Ananasfreak

The Google

Google continues to rise. It topped Fortune’s top 100 corporations for 2007, and everybody knows that joining the ranks at Google is the next best thing to winning the lottery. As of March 31, 2008, there were about 19,156 full-time employees enjoying freebies like free gourmet food and other incredible benefits that include unlimited number of sick days! The only complaint Google employees have is the weight gained from all the free food and M&Ms.

Once you’re a noogler (new employee), you will not be taking along your rolling briefcase or men’s briefcase to work. You will need your swimsuit to unwind at the company’s swimming spa during official hours, or have a brisk massage to ease that stiff neck from all that web work. That’s how wonderful it is to work for Google; no wonder, the company receives about 1,300 job applications daily.

If you tour the Google complex, you’ll find all the latest sports or hybrid cars acquired by the young employees with a $5,000 subsidy from the company. Shouldn’t you be polishing up that resume by now? But how can you get past the door with all the competition? You need a buddy in there who can refer you to the hiring department and who supooses you can contribute to the company’s growth. By the way, before you get all keyed up, agency resumes are not entertained.

What It Takes to Be a Noogler

Take your pick of the Google’s locations - Mountain View, New York, Seattle/Kirkland, and Phoenix in the US, Switzerland, UK, India, Russia, Asia Pacific region, Americas, Europe, Middle East, and Africa. You’ll be needing your passport cover or holder, if you’ve set your sights on any of the international offices.

It’s a myth that Google requires only the nerds; they need other skills. The company needs account managers, administrative staff, and janitors. Nerds get the jobs for software engineers, engineering site directors, and tech lead managers.

A way to get noticed by the big bosses is tackling the Google Code Jam contest where you’ll pit talents with the world’s brightest nerds. For this competition, you have to crack thorny algorithmic puzzlers in just two hours. If you make it to the top 100, you’ll be flown to the Google HQ in Mountain View. Think you can handle it?

Well, becoming a Google employee is easier if you’re a computer geek, a veteran computer techie, or a computer or accounting student; hence, get ready for the long trek to Google paradise. It’s the place to be and where you’ll belong.

Harmful Fun

Time and again, you’ve heard of the weirdos who create havoc in the place of work. Some of their clowning are amsuing, but woe to you if their malicious puns are aimed at you. You may be able to tolerate it at first, but the repeated ‘attacks’ can wear you out to a frazzle until you feel like those sorry-looking leather briefcases that have seen better days.

There are several sorts of wackos. They are either deliberate provokers, or unconcerned creeps who do not bother about the consequences of their actions. Oh, the antics and the gross habits that they have! Most of them are mean and they like to believe that their come-on lines are cute and funny.

In most cases, victims or those who feel victimized bear the verbal, physical, or visual “assaults” stoically, rather than complain and go through the tedious process of filing complaints or endure the embarrassment of having their complaint dismissed as just one of those funny things.

Revenge of the Herd

But those who strike back unmask the ugly side of wacky weirdos who think they are just having fun and mean no hurt, even when they go to the extent of vandalizing laptop briefcases, or farting noisily the moment you enter a room. Before they can think of hijacking leather passport cases, play at sniffing crotches, or flip booger pellets, better think of settling the score with the wacky weirdos now.

If you and your co-workers can no longer stand the wicked antics, plot grand plans to humble the perpetrator. radical measures like heating his car handle five minutes before he reaches the car can send him yelping in pain at the moment of contact with the car handle. Be sure to hide yourself well, or the prank may land you in the hotseat. Or, hide his keyboard if he’s not using a laptop, or vandalize his unofficial things and pretend you have no idea about the “theft” or vandalism. Well, he’ll take the hint.

Or, take the bull by the horns and ask him to stop annoying you with his stupid antics. If he persists, report the matter in writing to the HRD chief for action. If his pranks cross the line from improper to harmful, start the legal wheels rolling.

My dream ever since I was a little girl was to become a children’s literature author. I was so enthralled with everything to do about books, and libraries and the whole process of coming up with stories and putting them to paper. The authors of all the books I read were my heroes because it just amazed me how they could have such vivid imaginations and make their stories come to life. I wanted to have that same effect on people as they did for me. There’s something special about taking a child into another dimension and allowing them go anyplace they want, and be whoever they want to be, all while reading a book.

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